Making a House a Home — When You Have Full-Time Staff
Are you taking Zoom calls with your financial advisor from your bed, car, or even the bathroom — to get a moment alone?
Do you skip your second cup of coffee or delay lunch to avoid a “quick question” from staff in the kitchen?
And when you and your partner close the door, do staff assume someone’s about to get fired?
If any of that feels familiar, it’s time for a reset.
Here’s the truth:
Your nanny shouldn’t be emotionally caught in the crossfire of a family argument.
Your housekeeper doesn’t need to overhear — or catch a glimpse of — your finances.
Your chef doesn’t need to know whether your daughter’s boyfriend made the cut for the family vacation.
And no, your $100K watch delivery shouldn’t spark passive-aggressive tension when raises are being negotiated.
When living with full-time staff, privacy becomes both delicate and vital. And while it might feel uncomfortable to set clearer boundaries, strong boundaries are key to peace at home, for you and your team.
Privacy Begins with Leadership
Without clear expectations, household staff can slip into gray areas, such as overhearing personal conversations, witnessing family tension, or absorbing information they are unsure how to handle. One well-meaning employee “keeping the team in the loop” about your mood can become an HR nightmare.
It’s not about secrecy — it’s about structure.
A Real-Life Wake-Up Call
One client, Sarah, a young mother who had recently inherited an estate, called me from inside her walk-in closet. Whispering through tears, she said, “I don’t feel like this is my house. I can’t nap or argue with my husband without someone asking if I’m okay.”
She had started dressing up to get coffee and eventually moved the coffee machine into her bedroom. That was her breaking point.
What she needed wasn’t more staff. She needed better systems.
6 Strategies to Reclaim Your Home
Ask for What You Want — Guilt-Free
It’s okay to ask someone to redo a task or to clarify your preferences. People appreciate honesty. Say it politely. Don’t apologize. Follow up regularly.
Create No-Staff Zones
Designate “off-limits” hours or areas where the family can enjoy uninterrupted time. Whether it’s “no staff between 7 p.m. and 7 a.m.” or using service entrances and stealth routines, safeguard your family’s daily rhythm.Put Expectations in Writing
Use a Personnel Memorandum of Understanding to document roles, communication norms, and what’s off-limits. Clarity protects everyone.Protect Personal Space — And Respect Theirs
Let your house manager handle mail, deliveries, and behind-the-scenes issues. Avoid favoritism and stay out of staff drama.
Lock It Up
Keep valuables, medication, and sensitive documents in a secure place. Not everything should be accessible — even to trusted employees.Make Time to Manage the Business of Home
Your household is a complex operation. Delegate wisely, get weekly updates, and avoid managing through reactions.
A peaceful, well-managed home doesn’t happen by chance. It requires rhythm, structure, and boundaries established by you.
Protect the soul of your home — because peace and privacy aren't luxuries; they're essentials.
